i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
