The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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