garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
