Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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