His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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