the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
