Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She even gives head with a lisp.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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