Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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