And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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