I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
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