I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
