SEEEEXXX PLEASE
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
