my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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