whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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