butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
