do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
