Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You're a waste of cheezeits
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I DEMAND FORESKIN
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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