Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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