well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
