So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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