I'm so fucking centered right now
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize