Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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