can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
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