it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
