I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
