Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
