I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
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