Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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