Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
