This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
It's never too late to be topless.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
