You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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