Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
