looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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