So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
