I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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