the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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