just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
