i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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