$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
