You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize