Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
