a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
