WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
