the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
