Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
