So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
