please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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