Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
