pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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