come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
