and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
