found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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