omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
