Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
