why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
