No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
