I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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