Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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