Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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