my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
