Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
