It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
