is your mom at the bar?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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