Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
vagina is talking i cant
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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