lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
