I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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