Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
