He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
