he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
