I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
