Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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