You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
