Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
