census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize