The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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