i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize