allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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