Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
