never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
