I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
