just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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