I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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