Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
