Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
