So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
