i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
