I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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