I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
he was CRYING into my vagina
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
