My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
