So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
