Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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