I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
