His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
you had me at cake vodka
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
