I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
