for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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