don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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