i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
