He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
A bitchslap is in order.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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