To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
