So drunk its hurt
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
