Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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