Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize