i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize