I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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