This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
