I should be sponsored by Trojan
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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