My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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