i don't like sucking hair
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
