i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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