this beer tastes like vomit already
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
