We're facebook friends in real life
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
