..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
