Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
